To the Women Who're Not Enough

Picture the feeling of not enoughness like a veil over your life. A perspective. A state. Like once you're inside it, you literally can't see anything other than what's lacking.

Not enoughness will tell you

You need more money, better clothes, more patience. It'll tell you you need to be a better communicator, a better manager, more selfless, and more skillful.

While we're at it, you should also be thinner, more vibrant looking, and what's wrong with you that you can't work a full-time job, cook organic meals by hand, parent with nothing but open-hearted unconditional love, and then show up like a perfect sex kitten at the end of the (longest) day (ever)?

You should definitely take this class, get that surgery, and remodel your kitchen.

Not enoughness will probably also tell you that the journey to get there is hard.

Uphill. It's gonna take work. So you better start now.

Not enoughness pressures. It squeezes. And it's so damn convincing because it masquerades as supposedly healthy goals like losing weight, making more money, or having more energy.

It took me years and years to figure out that so many of my "goals" weren't actually goals at all, but simply my ideas (guesses) for what I could change about my life so that I'd finally feel a sense of enoughness.

Not enoughness isn't a motivator toward a goal.

It's a toxic bad habit that colors your entire existence in lack. It clouds everything and makes you miserable.

This is where any good new age spiritualist would tell you that not enoughness clouds the truth of who you are as a child of god---abundant, limitless, and fearless.

I'm not going to tell you that.

It's not that I don't believe it (that's whooooole other post), but because you have to start from where you are. Feet on the ground, people. Telling someone who just had their electricity shut off that lack is only an idea feels incredibly irresponsible to me and, quite frankly, an act of privilege.

I'm not taking about situations like that. If you're having trouble paying your basic bills, sure, aim to make more money because you actually need more. But if you're pressuring yourself to be/do/have more because you feel like what you are/what you've done/what you have isn't good enough, then I'm talking to you.

Keep your vision for your life if it feeds you.

But if it's based in not enoughness, ditch it. Instead, lift the numb feeling of the not enoughness and let yourself actually take in the nourishment of what you do have. Think of what you once wanted that felt like a faraway dream and now is reality for you.

Celebrate what you have. Let it be enough. Maybe it'll multiply, but if you get too caught up in that, you'll probably be miserable. Live your life as it is right now because you might actually find it's not so bad. And it might be nice to rest and enjoy it for a minute.

Focus on feeling a deep sense of enoughness for a while. And then, after you've done that for some time, consider what you might want to create from there. From enoughness. From sufficiency.

Let your people know they're enough as they are. Press share.

Enough is enough,