I spent a good portion of the weekend triggered. In emotional pain. (The story gets better, trust me).
Because of my concussion last week, I was aiming to rest my brain through getting as close to "full cognitive rest" as possible.
No driving. No texting, phone, or computer. No TV. No reading or writing. No physical activity. No chores. No complex thinking.
That leaves staring at the wall, meditation, and prayer.
It sounds lovely...until you actually try to do it...in your own home, for a whole weekend. (I swear the pile of unopened mail has eyes and stares into my soul).
Full cognitive rest meant no distractions from my pain. NONE.
This is more difficult than you might imagine, especially since I couldn't even write to help me process it.
I decided to break the rest just enough to reach out to a friend. She picked me up and took me to a lake.
Of course, she asked me what was up.
And with full, stunning clarity, it came out:
Here is what happened.
Here is what I'm afraid of.
These are the toxic thoughts running in my mind because I'm scared.
This is the old pattern.
Just like that. No confusion. No trying to figure it out. No fogginess or reaching for the truth.
And no needing it to be different.
Just me telling on myself with such stunning clarity I even surprised myself. And just like that it was a full and complete process...done. I felt better.
And so the concussion yields a profound gift:
The reminder that silence and stillness are of utmost value.
That I don't need to DO anything. I don't need to chase after clarity or resolution. I only need to make a comfy space inside myself and it'll appear of its own accord.
What a relief.
You can relate, yes? I'd love to hear from you. Leave me a comment below and tell me about it.
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With all my love,