This morning I was oh-so-gently reminded of a lesson I (apparently) need to learn over and over again.
There's this thing I sometimes do when I feel the pull to uplevel and get bigger.
I start to see who I am and where I am and what I have as not enough. And then I genuinely start to feel scared and stressed and under pressure to do more, be more, get more.
And because the pressure is painful, I start to suffer. And then I PUSH. Which creates more suffering.
And then (this one's really the kicker), I start to FIGHT AGAINST TIME...because you know, I don't have enough of it in which to pushpushpush. What? I know, it's its own flavor of insane.
When I really get going, each moment becomes a little war where I'm trying to get more done in less time. Rushing. In my head. Stressed.
And then when the day ends, I'm disappointed.
Just talking about it now I feel an internal speeding up and a pit in my stomach. It takes a toll on my body.
But here's the deal. When I'm in this small, squeezed place, I forget that this all started with a holy DESIRE.
Not with a problem or a crunch or an actual lack of any kind. It started with me feeling a pull to get bigger.
Thing is, the whole me-not-having-enough thing was never true. It was just an elaborate freak-out in response to the natural impulse to up my ceiling and keep growing bigger.
The utmost truth is that I really do have enough. In fact, I have an abundance. And that's not a mind trick...it's the obvious, privileged truth.
I was just momentarily fooled. Enough so that I went into suffering.
Until now. This morning, as I spent time at my altar as part of my morning ritual, I drew this card...And then the whole illusion dissolved so quickly.
I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!
Now I'm reorienting and remembering to cherish and celebrate what I have. To luxuriate in each moment. To see beauty wherever I look. And it's not hard.
THIS is how I want to (and will) get bigger. Not through pushing. But through pleasure, open celebration, and abundant appreciation.
And now, my joy doesn't feel so strangled and I'm excited again.
It's amazing to me how simple the solution can be to the places that feel totally unworkable.
So I'm sending a prayer your way today. May it be so in your life too.
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All my love to you,