The Differences Between Healthy Conflict + Emotional Abuse

He was yelling AT her. Not a skillful show of anger, but a litany of blame and complaints about her. About how she's getting it wrong. Not letting her respond or speak. Forcing her to listen to him yell at her. 

Since it was a public place, I was overhearing this whole thing and it made my skin crawl and my heart hurt. I've been there. And it made me realize I needed to write this piece.

Let me be really clear here about what's abusive versus what's actually healthy conflict.

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Early Warning Signs You're Losing Yourself in the Relationship

"Do I really need that much emotional connection?" she asked herself after her new boyfriend told her he just wasn't into sharing his feelings that much.

"We're just really different and that makes it interesting." she told herself when she realized they had nothing in common.

Maybe I am being unreasonable." she thought after he balked at her setting a boundary.

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How to Embrace Taking Space Apart

You know how when you travel and get away from home, it's like a breath of fresh air? New insights come in, you experience unique openings, see things you didn't see before, and it just generally refreshes your creativity? Ah, e x p a n s i o n....

Or how when you've been cooped up in the house all day, and you finally get out and your breath deepens, and it was just so good to get out of the house and experience a change of scenery?

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To the Women Who're Not Enough

Picture the feeling of not enoughness like a veil over your life. A perspective. A state. Like once you're inside it, you literally can't see anything other than what's lacking.

Not enoughness will tell you you need more money, better clothes, more patience. It'll tell you you need to be a better communicator, a better manager, more selfless, and more skillful.

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On Women Taking Up Too Much Space

On Women Taking Up Too Much Space

"I'm afraid I took up too much space...opened up too much."

As tears welled up, she looked around at this newly forming sisterhood as they all spoke up in her defense. Assured her that her expression was welcome and enjoyed. Not at all too much.

Which brought this women's group into a process of grappling with the fact that every single woman in that room feels this way sometimes.

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