The Differences Between Healthy Conflict + Emotional Abuse

He was yelling AT her. Not a skillful show of anger, but a litany of blame and complaints about her. About how she's getting it wrong. Not letting her respond or speak. Forcing her to listen to him yell at her. 

Since it was a public place, I was overhearing this whole thing and it made my skin crawl and my heart hurt. I've been there. And it made me realize I needed to write this piece.

Let me be really clear here about what's abusive versus what's actually healthy conflict.

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Evaluating Whether it Works, The Courage to Love, + The Perfect Ideal

Evaluating Whether it Works, The Courage to Love, + The Perfect Ideal

As a culture, we've invested SO much into The Perfect Ideal that I often hear/see people making lists of their non-negotiables in relationships.

They've gotta be as spiritual as you are (of course). They've gotta work out. Have a meditation practice. Eat organic. Go to therapy. Communicate well. Be financially secure. Weigh no more than a certain standard.

You must be this tall to ride this ride.

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Early Warning Signs You're Losing Yourself in the Relationship

"Do I really need that much emotional connection?" she asked herself after her new boyfriend told her he just wasn't into sharing his feelings that much.

"We're just really different and that makes it interesting." she told herself when she realized they had nothing in common.

Maybe I am being unreasonable." she thought after he balked at her setting a boundary.

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How to Embrace Taking Space Apart

You know how when you travel and get away from home, it's like a breath of fresh air? New insights come in, you experience unique openings, see things you didn't see before, and it just generally refreshes your creativity? Ah, e x p a n s i o n....

Or how when you've been cooped up in the house all day, and you finally get out and your breath deepens, and it was just so good to get out of the house and experience a change of scenery?

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How to Manage Your Fear of Intimacy

How to Manage Your Fear of Intimacy

Avoiding intimacy. It's what you do (usually unconsciously) when getting close to someone feels threatening, whether you're aware of those feelings or not.

If you're anything like most of us, you have a sweet spot of tolerance---a place internally when connection feels enlivening and nourishing---and also a point at which the intimacy begins to feel threatening and another point where too much space begins to feel threatening.

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Let's Get Something Straight About Authenticity (an unexpected recipe)

Let's Get Something Straight About Authenticity (an unexpected recipe)

You know being authentic feels good. You know you want to feel fully yourself and fully expressed. Great. Because the world needs more of that.

Only, we need to get clear about what it means to be whole, to be authentic, to be fully expressed.

Leading with the young part of yourself doesn't equal authenticity.

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It's Relationship Review Time---7 Q's to Consider

It's Relationship Review Time---7 Q's to Consider

Are you feeling the relationship pain too? It seems like there's conflict, chaos, and confusion in the air right now and that our most meaningful relationships are up for review, so to speak.

Marriages feeling fragile. Close friendships suddenly imploding or feeling a new kind of rub that needs addressing. Truth speaking that winds up not going very well despite your best intentions. A mis-match in terms of desires around moving a new relationship forward. Business relationships turning sour.

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