My entire life I can remember thinking, "I came here for a reason." From a very young age, I knew I was lucky to be here. As I lay in bed before falling asleep every night, I had visions of God carefully and lovingly crafting each and every tiny feature of every single human who would make it here to Earth. The exact curve of a nose, that one quirky mannerism, skin this particular shade, these certain feelings, a personality that no one else in the history of humanity has ever had. I can still remember what the inside of the Universal workshop/art studio looked like.
I could feel God's care and precision in the creation process. Each human took hours to make just right, and many, many times the sketches and half-built people were scrapped like a not-quite-right art project, to be started over again with a more beautiful idea, because the first version just didn't feel quite right. The finished product was always perfect. And there were gazillions upon gazillions of people or almost-people who did not make it here to Earth. Those few of us that did were very special indeed. Life was a precious gift to me because I knew how many others were back there, not having made it here. Inside me, I felt deep love for all those beings. Perhaps one day they'd get here...
(And, a hilarious side note---in my little-girl brain, before we became people, each of us looked like a tiny little R2-D2. Round and shiny white on top, a little robot pod waiting to be humanized).
I would get tucked in at night by my parents and whisper questions about the Universe to them. "What was here before all of this was here?"
Me: "But who made God?"
Dad: "No one made God because God's been here forever."
Me: "Well, what was here before God?"
Me: "Well who made Nothing?"
This line of questioning quickly led to answers I wouldn't accept because they didn't feel right to me or we'd hit a dead end, so I'd lay there in bed picturing it all and working it out for myself. I didn't find answers right away, but I loved the mystery of it, and there were things about it all that I knew deep in my bones.
I knew I was lucky to be here. I knew all people were perfect (including me) and that they were my family. I knew I was a part of a vast Universe and that everything was a miracle. And I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there was a reason I was here. I felt these things inside, plus, I'd seen them with my own (inner) eyes.
But if everyone is perfect, why don't I feel perfect?
The one sticking point in all of it for me was that I couldn't reconcile the fact that I knew I was perfect and in a certain way I felt perfect (I came from God's workshop, after all, AND was lucky enough to make it here), but during the day I seemed to be living in an entirely different world. One where I supposedly wasn't smart in school, made an embarrassing mistake, or got in trouble for something. Often the weight of all of this would freak me out, and I'd get pretty anxious and overwhelmed.
At night I was geeking out inside my mind about the expansiveness of the Universe and the perfection of it all. After hours upon hours of careful consideration, wonder, and piecing it all together over the course of probably 30-something years, I've arrived at this:
Life's challenges exist for a reason.
They aren't paradoxical to the perfection, but actually part of it. They are like God's fingertips gently calling your attention, "Look, here, I've got something to show you." I've learned that usually, what it is that God is wanting to show me and you is nothing short of the brilliance of the Universe unfolding through us as our healing journey. As we heal old wounds and become more of ourselves, not only are we able to fulfill that purpose we came here with, but perhaps even more poetic is that we get to make contact with the essence of the Universe.
Your healing and personal growth path is a spiritual practice. A devotional practice. Facing your shit is sacred.
Go look deep inside your triggers and your pain. Learn from what challenges you. Be willing to look right in the eyes of the places you feel less than perfect.
And then once you've gotten through to the other side, open your eyes to what we're a part of here. See with your own eyes that Life is generous, generative, healing, inspiring, loving, and benevolent in the way it offers us challenges and healing. Get close to Life and let it be an experience you feel in your body.
And please, leave me a comment below. Tell me about a specific time when you've made it through, seen something new, or felt the sacredness of your challenges. Your stories do inspire others, so don't hesitate!
If this spoke to you, please share it on Facebook.
With Wonder and Awe,
PS - Dig this post? If so, don't miss others like it. Sign up for free updates from me.